An Invitation Is Not Enough: The Right Recognition Is Worth the Wait
Over the years of experimenting with how my career strategy actually works for me, I’ve come to realize something that has changed everything. An invitation alone is not enough for me. Not if I want to feel aligned, valued, and successful in the work and relationships I invest myself in.
What truly matters is the right recognition. That deep, unmistakable sense that someone not only sees me but gets me; has a certain fascination or curiosity about me. They want more.
When I’ve compromised in the past and accepted invitations without that special kind of recognition, the results have been painful. Bitterness creeps in, slowly at first, until it becomes a heavy fog that suffocates my self-worth. In the past I didn’t notice it right away. It took time before I realized I’d sold myself short, just to be accepted and fit in, again.
In the early years of my deconditioning experiment, I didn’t fully grasp just how much recognition mattered to me. I thought I was being patient. I thought I understood what it meant to wait for the right timing. But it’s only been in the last few years that I’ve started to feel it viscerally, emotionally, and in my bones.
Being someone who has an emotional intelligence decision-making strategy, my decisions don’t come quickly. I need time to feel them out, to ride the emotional wave until a calm and neutral clarity settles within me. The waiting can be frustrating in a world that rewards speed. But for me, it’s been the key to honoring myself and preventing regrets and remorse later. I used to think I could skip the wait and power through with my mind. I cringe when I reflect back on some of those memories. Wow! It’s humbling and enlightening.
I’ve compromised more times than I care to admit, out of loneliness or the deep craving to connect and belong. Afterall, the Strength of Community is one of my defining characteristics. With the trait of Aloneness grounding and balancing me, as well as my life lesson to learn, I’ve learned the pain of compromising myself out of loneliness. I finally stopped running away from my fate and just surrendered to it. I made peace with loneliness, so I no longer compromised myself.
With a strength in community as part of my life purpose, I’ve longed to find my people, to feel part of something bigger than myself. To say I am tribal and crave support and loyalty is an understatement. But I’ve learned the hard way that relationships, like business opportunities, cannot be forced, manufactured, or rushed. And the pain of staying where I am not wanted, valued, or appreciated is intolerable now. It wreaks havoc on my self-esteem and self-worth.
Mastering the art of waiting has become my boundary and filter to protect myself from making unhealthy choices. I find comfort in it now. But it took many years to get there. It’s my inner security system now. It keeps me from throwing myself into situations that drain me, people who take me for granted or take advantage of my generosity of spirit, and environments that are not healthy and empowering. When I wait and watch, and only move when something truly resonates, I am far more successful and much happier and healthier.
Recognition is the starting point. It is like a breath of fresh air after waiting and holding my breath for a very long time. It’s what lights me up and opens the door for the right invitations to show up. When someone truly sees me, there’s a spark, a connection, a feeling that I recognize within me now. I don’t feel like I have to explain myself or prove anything. I can relax and be myself. I am sought after and celebrated. Then I can contribute in the way I’m meant to. That’s when I thrive.
When I’ve ignored this, when I said yes to relationships or projects that didn’t begin with real recognition, it cost me. I lost confidence, wasted energy, and walked away doubting myself, while seething in bitterness and resentment. It’s not just disappointing. It’s damaging. I learned the difference between someone tolerating me and someone celebrating me. I can no longer pretend I don’t know the difference.
I used to be oblivious to subtleties. I’d enter into conversations, jobs, and relationships without questioning whether I was truly valued and appreciated. I was like a puppy that was just happy to lick up the scraps thrown to me from other people’s dinner tables. I thought I was self-aware. But I wasn’t tuned in to how recognition or the absence of it had impacted my self-esteem. And now, it is so obvious to me that I can’t ignore it. I notice when someone lights up when I walk in the room, and when they don't.
I’ve trained myself to observe rather than pursue, to wait for that unmistakable sense of yes, this is right. I no longer chase, lean in, or pursue. I wait and let them notice me and earn my attention and sharing my gifts with them.
As an Advisor, especially at work and in relationships, don’t sell yourself and what you have to offer short. Don’t compromise yourself out of loneliness or impatience. It is not worth it.
Having emotional intelligence means taking time to feel through the whole range of emotions that rolls through me on any given day. And having a very wide collaborative assimilation process has made my process even slower and more layered and nuanced than I understood and could barely tolerate just a few short years ago. Waiting, waiting, and more waiting. I used to be so impatient. Human Design has shown me the gifts of patience and waiting. I have to admit. I still don’t like waiting, but I value it and have experienced that for me, most things worthwhile are worth waiting for.
It’s taken time to decondition. That process is never done. There is always conditioning. I used to think it was such a bad thing. Now it is just something to be aware of and then choose how I want to respond to it. It has taken many years to recognize what and who doesn’t work for me, and to learn to walk away when something or someone isn’t good for me. I used to think I was so self-aware. But Human Design has shown me the deeper, subtler layers of myself. It’s been a humbling journey of self-discovery.
I no longer chase invitations or try to convince someone to choose me. I don’t spend so much energy trying to get noticed. I trust and understand the power of my intense penetrating Advisor aura for that now. Waiting for the recognition is not only worth it, but essential for me to even function now. It saves me so much time and energy.
I only surround myself with raving fans in my life now. That goes for the clients I select to work with to the friends I spend my precious time with. Once I experienced being around people who genuinely valued and liked me, not for what I do, but for who I am, I wasn’t willing or able to tolerate anything else. If I don’t feel that, I’ve learned to let go sooner.
I’ve gained wisdom from that open survival instinct function. My open areas have taught me to notice how much I’m influenced by the people and environment around me. I used to hold on, hoping things would get better. Now I see that letting go is an act of self-respect and compassion.
Waiting has gotten easier and more comfortable as I observe and feel my way through it. It is less about anxiously hoping and anticipating an outcome. Now I use that time to get lost in my own interests - studying, learning, creating, healing, and becoming even clearer about what and who feels good and what and who doesn’t. The quality of what I do while I wait matters. With a Public Role as a Natural Opportunist, when I’m engaged in things I love, the waiting becomes meaningful and rewarding. I get lost in my own little world and create amazing things. When I’m aimless or out of alignment, the wait feels like torture and exile.
I’ve also come to understand and even appreciate that not everyone will like or accept me, and that’s okay. I don’t take that personally anymore. I accept that me and my energy isn’t for everyone and that really is okay with me now. I don’t waste my energy and effort trying to win people over anymore. It just means they’re not my people, or it’s not the right time. And that’s okay. It relieves me of a lot of wasted energy and bitterness. Recognition isn’t something I can demand or manufacture. It has to happen naturally, and when it does, it feels like coming home.
Real recognition feels like Cinderella being fitted for that glass slipper. It’s warm, safe, and affirming. I can relax into being me without apology or defense. It’s not about being praised or admired. It’s about being truly seen and valued and being given permission to be me.
Recognition has become my compass in all my relationships, personal and professional. If the recognition isn’t there, I don’t move forward. I don’t try to win them over anymore. If I don’t feel lit up, appreciated, or welcomed, I don’t invest. It’s that simple. I’ve made too many compromises in the past that have cost me too much.
Success, for me, starts with relationships. The right ones. The kind where the recognition is clear, the invitation is genuine, and the connection feels mutual. I feel supported. I’ve learned to hold out for those. Because now I know and feel I’m worth the wait.
I hope this resonates with some of you who have taken the time to read this far. I hope it encourages you Advisors to be even more selective, more attuned, more committed to your own self-worth and intrinsic value. I’ve wasted too many years feeling bitter, confused, and burned out, trying to make things work that weren't right for me.
I’ve committed to mastering the art of waiting, not as a passive state or something to suffer through, but as a powerful practice of self-love and compassion. Waiting gives me time to feel, to learn and grow, and to gain clarity and prepare. So, when the right invitation shows up, I’ll be ready. And it will feel like coming home.
About the Author:
Rayana is an Emotionally Intelligent Energy Advisor who is a Certified Human Design Analyst, BG5 Business Consultant, Business and Career Transition Coach, and Master NLP Mindset Ninja.
With 25 years of experience as a business, career and mindset coach, she specializes in guiding people through life, career, and business transitions by helping them uncover their genetic blueprint and live in alignment with their true design. She uses Human Design as a tool to give people permission to be themselves.
A seasoned entrepreneur, Rayana has started up and grown multiple businesses from the ground up, scaling them to 6-7 figures across industries like real estate, insurance, pet care, art and coaching.
But, when she discovered coaching, she found her true calling, to guide and empower people on their journeys to get from where they are to where they want to be, one simple step at a time, to ultimately achieve their goals and dreams.
Rayana was introduced to Human Design in the year 2000, but it didn't take root right away. It stalked her over the years until she finally felt the calling to accept the invitation into her own experiment. She has been formally studying Human Design for over 10 years. She has found it to be a practical tool, along with NLP techniques, to transform her own life and relationships, as well as to empower her clients to break free from fears and limiting beliefs and the comparison trap. She enjoys witnessing her clients' transformation and feelings of validation when she shares a career analysis with them.
Her mission is simple: to liberate potential, excavate inner genius, and transform the future by helping people embrace who they are truly meant to be, living a life that is not only successful but deeply fulfilling.
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