Finding Purpose through Crashed Ambition
A Case Study

By Linda Brandwijk

The Challenge

All of my life I have had a sense of not being worthy enough and always feeling insecure.

When negative things showed up I always thought I was the one to blame. I felt like I was the one who was failing.  I did everything in my power to succeed. For me success meant having a job that gave me status (striving to become a CEO), living in a big house and driving an expensive car. The older I got, the more I compared myself to others. With the success of others as my benchmark, I always ended up being ‘the loser’. Over time my mind created an unrealistic image of the successful person I thought I must become.

I felt like I was a disappointment for my parents. Since my childhood it seemed that there was always ‘something going wrong with me.’  I did not pass my exams in high school due to my fear of failure. I had trouble with certain teachers. I was required to pass an intelligence exam. I failed in mathematics and required extra help.  I switched jobs all the time because nothing really seemed like a good fit.  I tried starting a business just like my parents which failed. The list of failures and missteps goes on.

Of course there were lots of successful people around us: nephews, nieces and other people of my age who seemed to navigate flawlessly through life and who gained material success. It was my goal to find my purpose, to find something that would bring me status along with material success. Then, and only then (in my mind), my parents would be proud and I would be happy.

I didn’t really care about how much effort and energy it would take, I needed to reach my goal. Job after job I struggled, I experienced the same friction and confrontations over and over again. I had conflicts with managers that sometimes led to my resignation. I had discussions about growth opportunities, but felt restricted within my role so I ended up really frustrated. I was continually confirming the negative thoughts about myself,  yet continued my determination to succeed – no matter what.

After years of struggling in my early thirties I had finally reached all of what I was aiming for.

I thought: “yay, I made it, now I am happy!” And yes, my parents were proud and yes, I was proud of myself, but deep inside I was unhappy and kept working harder and harder to prove that I was able to maintain my new earned status.

Until my dream exploded!  The owner of the company had debts he wasn’t honest about.  I ended up at home. Alone.

Without a job.
Without status.
Without my network calling.
But with bills to pay.


More determined than ever I took the first job I could get a hold of, which turned out to be a disaster. Before I was even able to realize I was on the wrong track – I was involved in a car accident that turned my life up-side-down, crashed by ambitions, but turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

Uncovering the Real Issues

Housebound I reached rock bottom, and after two years of struggling and fighting with deep feelings of frustration and anger I ended up being hospitalized with pancreatitis as a result of a failing gall bladder. Finally, I had an excuse to ‘do nothing’ because of my illness. This actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

I had to surrender to life. Suddenly and miraculously things started to appear on my path. And one of those things was BG5, after all this time, finally everything that happened to me started to make sense!

I learned how I was using my energy in a very unhealthy and destructive way.

I am an Express Builder, so I have the ability to take action right away and change direction efficiently and quickly. And that’s what I did in my career – when something wasn’t ok anymore, I switched to something else backed up by my Strength of Discovery (46-29). With a clear goal of wanting to become successful I entered countless new experiences (jobs) and always met a lot of resistance, which made me more and more determined to fight (trait 38) for my goal, no matter what.

Next to fighting I was always provoking (trait 39) my managers to give me more responsibility and more money. These two traits make up a part of my Lifework of Upheaval (70% of who I am) so I was a tough cookie to handle…

And that’s not everything, because all of this was supported by my Strength of Leadership (7-31). When managers weren’t strong leaders – I would not listen to them and would do things my way which caused a lot of friction and was often the starting point to switch gears… yet again…

All of this behavior was rooted in the Shadows of my Career Design where my monkey mind became my ‘truth’:

• I thought I had to prove my worth by making promises, convincing others and working as hard as I could with the shadow of Willpower. I was always the one who worked long hours and aimed to take on the most difficult projects that I thought I could handle. In the end, however, I wasn’t always able to manage everything I committed to, which led to disappointment, resistance and me working harder than before.

• I felt an enormous pressure and stress to move along and keep going from the shadow of Drive & Stamina. I always felt a continuous pressure to work really hard and I wasn’t able to relax, even when I was tired.

• I was afraid of speaking my truth, so I went beyond my own limits, or ran away from things due to the shadow of Emotional Intelligence. When something happened that I didn’t like I found it really hard to honestly confront the situation. I’d rather be unhappy myself than upset the other person.

• I was determined to prove that I was certain and knew what I was talking about with the shadow of Conceptualization. I would rather ‘google’ everything – even when it took me hours and hours – than telling someone I wasn’t sure what they really meant.

• And last but not least I felt pressured to help other people with their problems with the shadow of Inspiration. I thought I needed to have an answer for everything other people had doubts about, so I ended up being everyone’s ‘savior’.

The Big Aha!

Understanding how my shadows distracted me and how I am truly designed gave me a huge feeling of relief. I wasn’t stupid, I wasn’t failing – I was just using my gifts and talents in a wrong way and this ignorance gave my mind the chance to rule my world!

I now understand:

• that I have nothing to prove, never, ever to no one and also not to myself;
• that it’s okay to speak my truth and to have confrontations;
• that it’s okay to sit back and relax at times, and not rush into things;
• that I don’t have to be sure about anything;
• that I don’t always have to do something with the problems, or doubts of others;
• that my pancreatitis and failing gall bladder were a direct consequence of not living as my true self;
• that I work best in an independent role and within a small group – as an Alpha (leader);
• that I only can rely on my gut response when taking decisions;
• that I am perfect, just the way I am – I don’t have to be anyone else but my unique me!

Pffff… what a relief! This knowledge has given me peace ever since.

The Turning Point and Result

By understanding my Career Design, it became clear to me that I would love to become a certified BG5 Consultant. Taking a look at my Design this career really suits me.  It is amazing how everything in my Design supports this career and that it feels effortless, because this is WHO I TRULY AM.

Here are how some elements of my Career Design play out:

• My Conscious Core Essence is Correction through Therapy. (Trait 18, Quality 5 in Survival Instinct) When I work with clients, I can sense which thinking patterns (monkey mind thoughts, insecurities, fears etc.) ‘needs correction’ and what they need to know in terms of awareness to help them cope with their ‘monkey mind’ in order to feel better (‘survive’) in the near future.

• My Strength of Spontaneity (57-20) is really of powerful support. This gives me the ability to analyze the essence of the problem of a client very quickly, to ‘hear between the lines’ (I hear things they don’t say, but which are very important).  I am then able to say things to them they need to hear in the present moment, which comes from an instant intuitive, spontaneous knowing.

• When using my Strength of Leadership (7-31) in a healthy way, I lead my clients to ‘a better future.’

• My Public Role as a Messenger and an Authority (5/1) supports me in being a practical problem solver that stands on a solid foundation of knowledge: BG5!

• I can now use my “Shadows” as a source of Wisdom to sense if clients feel pressured, are in a hurry, how they are feeling, if they are proving themselves worthy, if they are pretending to be sure and if they are busy solving problems of others.

So here I am, studying BG5 and helping others with this amazing information.

And that’s not all, I have changed my life completely by making different choices from my gut response. I live in a much smaller house, I don’t worry about status, I am now only ambitious in being myself, I don’t want to become anyone else anymore, I started my own business and I am very happy.

And on top of that something unexplainable and extraordinary has happened physically: since this massive turn around of my life my hair started curling. I went from straight to curly hair and it feels really like the true Linda is reborn!

 The Results

• I feel totally at peace and am happy with who I am.
• I feel blessed in doing the work I really love, and the funny thing is it comes naturally and doesn’t take any effort, on the contrary it gives me a lot of energy!
• I am aware of my monkey mind and know my vulnerabilities, strengths and talents.
• I use my natural gifts and my personal experiences to help others gain more awareness about their uniqueness and in finding their path in life and career, just like I did myself.
• I now fully trust my open and enveloping presence and my gut response decision-making strategy to guide me through life.
• It’s my wish that everybody on this planet is able to unwind their monkey mind and becomes aware of their uniqueness, strengths, gifts and talents!  
  
  

Linda Brandwijk – de Groot has 15+ years of wide-ranging experience in different fields like Notary, Communications, Public Relations, Events and Mediation, but never found her true purpose in life and career, until she came across BG5. She is currently in the BG5 Consultant Certification Course aiming to be certified in September 2019. She is very proud to have started her own coaching business “BG5 Coach” in The Netherlands and is finishing a book about her experiences and insights after the car accident that changed her life dramatically. Out of difficulties comes a rebirth and she is now doing the work she really loves!

Her attitude as a positive and practical problem solver, her own intense life experiences in combination with her unique way of tuning into clients and her love for BG5 makes Linda the perfect coach for everyone that needs guidance within their life, career or business. And she is just started…